Taking the Time to Look, Listen, and Learn

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Not the End of the Story

I was just reading the beginning of the Biblical story of Ruth. I have never read it in portions before because it is a short book. But today I stopped when Naomi, Ruth's mother-in-law, is at her low point. She is living in a foreign country in the middle of a famine; she has lost her husband; and now she has lost both sons. She has no family to lean on except for two daughters-in-law she now feels responsible for. How can she take care of them when she can't even take care of herself? She tells them they should return home to their parents.

I cannot imagine how hopeless she must feel. Alone. Fearful. Grieving to the point of despair.

But that is not the end of the story. I know that because I've read it before. I know she is not alone. I know God blesses her and takes care of her in ways she could not have imagined. What she saw before her was a dead end, but that was not the end of the story.

How often we are in the midst of a trial and cannot see past the muddy pit we are sitting in. We cannot see that this is not the end of the story.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

"Therefore we do not lose heart.... We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen in eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:16, 18)

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." (Ephesians 3:20-21).

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Refresh Button

I like how webpages have a "refresh" button. I was following a newsstory yesterday as it was unfolding, and I could refresh the page to see when new facts had been added to the story.

I am needing to be refreshed today. I need a button to push that will start this page over and give an updated version. What would the updated version be like? New gripes and whines in the leading paragraph? Or maybe a new grudge or bitter taste about a personal interaction with someone?

I would like for the refresh button to actually refresh, not just add new data. I would like it to tell a better story, not a more tragic one.

Today at Bible study, someone asked whom we are listening to: our Father in Heaven? Or the Father of Lies? I want my refresh button to be a re-focusing on the truth that comes from my Father in Heaven. I do not want to add misinformation and lies to my story. I do not want to add worries and fears or complaints and criticisms. I want to be refreshed, which according to my Bible dictionary, also means renewed, revived, restored.

For me, the refresh button has got to be getting into the Word of God. I need to see truth written in Scripture. I need my mind to be renewed in order to revive my heart and restore my spirit.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9)

What am I dwelling on? What am I putting into practice? Am I feeling His peace?

What are other ways to be refreshed?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Eve

I just started a new Bible study yesterday that is studying John MacArthur's book Twelve Extraordinary Women. The book examines the lives of twelve women from the Bible. The first chapter focuses on Eve.

Our main small-group discussion question yesterday was: "Which tree are we eating from? The tree of life? Or the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?" We each talked about what it means to eat from the tree of life--being still with God, prayer, authenticity in Christian relationships, reading scripture. We also talked about our struggles to not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil--the world's lies that we listen to, the focus on appearance, the gossip, the materialism, the fears and stresses. I am glad to be reminded of this discussion today.

This morning I was finishing up my chapter reading (better late than never!), and I realized something about Eve that I hadn't focused on before now. I have always focused on Eve's temptation, her sin, her fall, her curse.

But God provided hope even in the midst of this fallen world. Eve was still allowed to bear children, and through her son Seth, a godly line was established: "Then men began to call on the name of the Lord." (Gen. 4:26)

MacArthur writes: "After all, heaven will be filled with her redeemed offspring" (26).

That is so like the Lord. There is redemption in Eve, not only sin. There is hope even when it seems all is lost.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Parent Coffee

Yesterday morning was a parent coffee at my children's Montessori school. The administrators had brought in a prominent local psychologist who focused on development in 2- to 5-year-olds.  Halfway through the talk, I started scribbling notes.

A few nuggets:
  • With some mothers working and some staying at home, we have begun viewing our kids as products, indicators that "we made the right call" in our choice to work or stay home.  (My reflection: Am I thinking of my child as a product? In what ways do I buy into our society's pressure to "produce" certain traits in my child?)
  • We put pressure on our kids by pushing early reading, by putting them in team sports before ages 7-8, by overstructuring their lives, by telling them they are so smart all the time. (My reflection:  Am I allowing my kids to just fall in love with reading? I feel like I do a pretty good job of not overly structuring, but I don't know because it's so prevalent.  I want to write more about the smart thing because I'm reading a book right now that mentioned the same thing. I'll try to get to that tomorrow!)
  • We must let our kids play.  They need self-structured play.  (My reflection: I love watching my kids come up with the most random "games." Last night, I went to get my pajamas and found that my closet had been transformed into a pink play hut full of pink blankets and random pink items from my daughter's room.  There was another pink quilt spread on the floor between some pillows near our bed.  I can only imagine what this other room was!) (Interestingly, she also said yesterday that we have a generation of boys who do not know how to play together because they sit side-by-side and play video games! Yikes!)
  • Our children should be spending no more than an hour on electronics each day.  (My reflection: I have to admit I was thankful she didn't completely poo poo T.V.  But I found it helpful to have that guideline that, to me, was a little more realistic than NO T.V.)
  • Be careful what our children are exposed to.  (My reflection: I think I do this, but I didn't even think about it before I had kids. She talked about how inappropriate the news is and how much violence our kids are exposed to, even when we think they aren't paying attention. I do think having a DVR is helpful with kids because you can record appropriate things, don't have to have commercials, etc.)
  • Beware of the intrusion of cell phones and the computer into our families.  (My reflection: I try to make a point of getting off the phone when I'm picking up my kids from school so I can hear about their day. But I know I am guilty of being distracted by email when they want my attention. How can we limit this? )
I thought her talk was so interesting and offered great guidelines in this mommy adventure.  How can we integrate these ideas into our lives?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Choking Hazard

Before the baby was even born, I was trying to instill in my older children to watch out for small things on the ground. "The baby could choke on that!" Now that he's at the age of crawling (racing) around the house and putting everything in his mouth, we are all vigilant. Still, we find things in his mouth: stickers, old cheerios, a pebble, a screw, random dirt particles and dust bunnies.

Twice when I've buckled him into his carseat after picking him up from the nursery at the gym, I've found things in his mouth (a sticker and a piece of a foam craft project).

The worst was Sunday. When I picked him up from the church nursery, the woman told me another worker was picking him up to change his diaper. When she laid him on the changing table, he started choking. The worker panicked, and the woman telling me about the incident raced over and stuck her fingers back in his throat and pulled out a piece of wood.

I was dumbfounded taking this in, alternately wanting to comfort the women working there and holding back my tears of fear as it sank in what could have happened. My husband kept reminding me, "He is OK. Anything can happen. This is why we have to pray for protection of our children."

I have since talked to two church administrators to make sure they were aware of the situation, and both were. The church is taking measures to beef up prevention, which is comforting, but I am still fearful.

Today I was following him around our house, stepping up my own vigilance, and do you know what? He was standing two feet from me and I'd been watching him constantly when I heard the choking noise. I jumped up and felt to the back of the throat, where I found a twig.

I immediately put him in the highchair so I could regroup.

I realized all I can do is pray. I cannot watch over him every second. I can continue to work on prevention (and I have several ideas for the moments when I have to turn my back, cook dinner, help another child), but his whole life, I cannot catch every detail. And even if I could, I could put him in someone else's charge for even an hour, and something could happen.

I remembered that a friend had called Friday to ask about getting together to pray for our children. Having children requires so much trust in the Lord. It's a constant walk forward, dodging fears, hoping for miracles.

How can I not get together to pray for my children? She was talking about a Moms in Touch group, which I know a little about and want to learn more. I also told her about a prayer group I had been in before having kids and before getting married. And I mentioned the books that have been great prayer resources for me, Power of a Praying Parent and Power of a Praying Wife by Stormy O'Martian. I called my friend back today and said, "Yes." We don't know yet what this time will look like. But we are working on it.

When We Mess Up

Funny that I wrote earlier about my kids' making messes, literal or otherwise. What about when we are the ones who mess up?

This evening we were making pizzas for our dinner. I had set out the dough and bowls of sauce, cheese, and toppings on the kitchen island, and my 3- and 5-year-olds were sitting in stools to create their own pizzas. As soon as they finished, my 5-year-old, getting tired and slap happy, got down off the stool and knocked it over backwards while pulling on my daughter's stool. I whirled around when I heard the loud bang of the stool's falling, and when I saw his rough behavior with my daughter's stool, too, I shouted, "Not smart." I then explained that the 3-year-old could fall, it was dangerous, etc. Everyone switched gears and left the kitchen while the pizzas were in the oven.

About 30 minutes later, it dawned on me that my son might have interpreted "not smart" in a different way than I intended it. I called him in and talked to him about it. I asked if he thought I was saying he was not smart. He did. I told him I was not saying that. I held his face in my hands and knelt down on the floor to be at his level. I looked him in the eye and told him he is very smart. I then explained what I had meant before, that the action was not smart because one stool had already fallen and the other one could have fallen with his sister in it. I asked how he had felt when he thought I was saying he wasn't smart. He said it hurt his feelings. I said I did not want to hurt his feelings and said I was sorry and asked if he'd forgive me. He said in his sweet clear honest precious baby boy voice, "I forgive you." I said I want to make sure that you hear me telling you how smart you are.

I kept reiterating tonight in every example of smart things he was doing. I read somewhere that for every negative thing you hear, it takes like a million (can't remember exact number) positive things to counteract the negative. Ugh.

I feel like all I can do is pray and ask that God will cover over my son with His grace and protect him from all the ways I have messed up. I wonder what I else I have said that I haven't reflected upon or corrected or asked forgiveness.

Am I careful with my words? Am I wise with my words?

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

Monday, September 13, 2010

Humor Keeps Us Sane

A friend with four kids wisely told me early in my parenting career, "I can either take a picture of it [the mess her kids had just created], or I can start crying." Though I am often tempted to cry over the creative messes my kids make, I try to remember her wisdom: I can either laugh or cry. Makes a world of difference in my response to their behavior.

So, I'm taking a snapshot of a scene at Office Max from a few weeks ago. Crowded with back-to-school shoppers, the store was bustling. I popped the baby in the cart and had the three- and five-year-olds on and off the cart, taking rides, grabbing brightly colored pens, boxes, everything they saw, and begging, "Please can we get this...?" No, we don't need this. No, we don't need that. Put it on your wish list.

The whole quest was to find highlighters so we could practice handwriting at home. My kids' teachers write with a highlighter and let the kids trace with their pencils; I thought, great idea. When we got to the crowded highlighter section, weaving our cart through the masses, my five-year-old suddenly shouts, "I need to go poop!"

My eyes bulged as I scanned the crowd and shushed him. "What?" he says, "I need to go." I grab highlighters and race to the front of the store to stand in line. Once there, the pooper immediately lapses into make-believe as he spots a small fridge stocked with drinks. Looking at my three-year-old, he says, "Do you want to play like I'm the drink man?" She does, of course, and I hear him telling her he even has beer for her! I look at the check-out guy in horror as he stifles a grin, and I start to hand him our stuff. But then I have to keep holding the items while he scans them because almost all our supplies are covered in slobber. Slobbering had been the baby's activity so as not to get restless while shopping. I kept handing him items to chew on.

Finally we escaped with our slobbered-on highlighters, our drink man who serves beer to a three-year-old, and our pooper.

A day in the life. If we didn't laugh, we'd scream!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Stilling the Soul

Don't you LOVE this?

"My heart is not proud, O Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul." (Psalm 131:1-2)

I feel small today. Reading this passage reminds me of the humility that comes with motherhood.

Sometimes the humility is from external sources (as in HUMILIATING when your child is racing away from you in a public place yelling, "I WON'T go with you!")

Sometimes it is internal (as when you might feel you aren't contributing much to society).

Sometimes it is because you are in the right posture, your heart kneeling to God's throne.

I want to think more about this passage today: how to still and quiet my soul.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A Day of Rest

Sunday could have been our day of rest, but we were out of town for Labor Day Weekend. Monday--Labor Day holiday--could have been our day of rest, but we were traveling back in town, unpacking, getting ready for a new busy week. As fun as it was, Labor Day weekend left me exhausted.

This year, it seems that I'm in a rhythm of Wednesday being a slow day, a restorative day. Because of school schedules and nap schedules, I have a little more time to myself on Wednesdays, a little more time to reflect.

I love that my life is set up in a series of slow-downs and speed-ups. Routines and schedules vs. free-time and spontaneity. The busy school year feeds into the laziness of summer. Scheduled "work weeks" bring on looser-paced weekends.

We need both. We need productivity, and we need stillness.

The speeding up is easy; but the slowing down actually takes work. How can we cultivate a time of stillness in our lives?

This morning at Bible study, a woman talked about how at one point in her life she told God she was exhausted from all the activities of being a Christian. She said she just wanted to know Him. She talked about the freedom that has come from that shift inside of her, the shift from constant doing to just the knowing.

The whisper inside me said: Stop doing. Be.

I'm not sure how to stop doing and stop the meaningless striving. But it is exhausting. I'd like to just Be. Be still. Be still and know.

"Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)

Friday, September 3, 2010

Montessori Skills

Today my daughter's teacher sent home the first weekly communication chart of the school year. She also sent a letter explaining that the chart is not a progress report but a tool for engagement with our pre-school child about his/her week at school.

A part of her letter I particularly liked was the section on social/emotional skills. She underscored the importance of the following skills: "cooperation, self-control, confidence, independence, curiosity, empathy, and communication."

I re-read this sentence several times. I often think the skills I need to be accentuating at home are language and math skills (and nature and art) through various activities. But these significant social skills make me pause.

--Cooperation (Ummmm...do I hear another sibling argument in the background?)
--self-control (Ummm..."OK, have another snack" and maybe they'll stop complaining)
--confidence (this is a tricky one. I would really like to hear ideas on nurturing confidence)
--independence (getting better, but it took me a long time to let my kids pour their own drink!)
--curiosity (I think I'm better at this)
--empathy (how can we promote this other than talking about and role-playing?)
--communication (this is one reason I love the dinner table, driving my kids home from school, and bed-time cuddles).

I want to keep thinking about these areas of development. Any ideas?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

A blog I like

A friend sent me a blog called Small Notebook last spring, and I subscribe to it now. It comes here and there, and I look forward to it because it's short and sweet and helpful.

The woman who writes it is a stay-at-home mother of two. This family of four lives in a two-bedroom apartment with a motto of simplify. I like it.

Her ideas are helpful when you are trying to maximize space and time. She has good reminders about simple priorities and not getting swept up in the world's "priorities."

Do you know any other blogs to recommend? Not that we want too many! We need to simplify!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

De-Cluttering

When I was first married and had a new baby, I was struck by the fact that I really didn't know how to clean my house. A friend told me about a resource called www.flylady.net. The premise is to help those of us who often feel overwhelmed by chores and To Do lists to simply jump in a little at a time. I can sometimes spend hours on a plan of attack, but then lose steam for the actual doing of the task. Anyway, flylady breaks it down for you. She helped me for a while. The problem is she can really clog up your email if you let her, so I began deleting her whenever I saw her. I've deleted her for the past few years.

But the other day, for some reason she reached my inbox instead of my spam box (I had relegated her to spam). I decided to read her again, and she kicked me in the rear. I've decided to give her a try again, and this morning, I had made all the beds, re-cleaned the kitchen, done laundry, fed kids (and gotten them out the door) all by 8:15. Once I put the baby down for a nap, I could enjoy my own breakfast and a quiet time.

I read this: "Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge. Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth. I hate those who cling to worthless idols; I trust in the Lord. ... You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place." (Psalm 31: 4-8)

I felt the contrast between the tightness of the trap and the freedom of the spacious place. I listed some of the traps that are set for me, traps for my time, traps for my mind. I do not want to fall into those traps. And when I do, I need God to free me and set my feet in a spacious place.

The tidy home, the de-cluttering of all that is around me (part of the flylady's mantra) does help with the spacious place. My home, my body, my mind are all reflections of where I am. Am I trapped right now? Am I free? These reflections will materialize in different ways for different people at different seasons of our lives. But we know if we're in a trap and need help getting out to our spacious place.

I feel like my mind has been so cluttered lately with worries and daydreams and unorganized "To Do's." I feel ready to escape the traps of the computer, the traps of my postponing excuses, the traps of my weak self-control, the traps of my lack of trust in the Lord's provision and taking matters into my own hands...

"Free me from the trap that is set for me.... You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place."