How To Be Content

When we moved a few weeks ago, I was extremely anxious.  We had several delays with the closing of our old house due to circumstances beyond everyone's control.  Those delays caused delays in closing on our new house. What was supposed to be an exciting time was extremely stressful.  I walked around with a continual pit in my stomach.

While unpacking a box, I came across a book I'd read years ago called Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow.  Oh, what good medicine this book has been this month as I've been re-reading it. Dillow has lived in Europe, China, and now in Colorado, working in international ministry with her husband.  While she offers wisdom on contentment and letting go of anxieties, she also writes profiles of some of the extraordinary women she has met around the world. Each time, she is faced with how much she has and often how little the other woman has; she is confronted by how easy it is to complain when you have been given much, and how her friends that have been given little do not complain.  She reminds us of what it means to have an eternal perspective instead of a worldly perspective:

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:11-13).

One particular "prescription for contentment" she recorded was especially powerful.  She told of a woman who had been a missionary with the pygmies in Africa for 52 years.  Along with her husband and kids, she endured temperatures over 120 degrees with no AC or electricity.  Her daughter wondered how she didn't complain, and later found these words in her diary:

• "Never allow yourself to complain about anything--not even the weather.
• Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
• Never compare your lot with another's.
• Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
• Never dwell on tomorrow--remember that [tomorrow] is God's, not ours." (Dillow, 11-12).

Hmmm...seems to me that this list might cut down a lot of our conversation topics--the comparing, the complaining, the future.  But I love how this list leaves gobs of time for gratitude. And contentment.

Oh, Deer

This morning I went for a walk before the heat starting breathing on me.  It was around 9 in the morning, a popular Saturday walking time in our neighborhood, and I wasn't alone.  I saw other walkers, and then I saw a surprise.

As the main road curved, a deer poked her head out from behind a small tree in the yard of a corner house.  She looked at me, blinking and studying me. I stopped and watched.  We were both still and stared.  She stepped out into the yard. Then we both heard a car. A white SUV drove up, and my deer took off running down the street in the opposite direction, her hooves clacking on the pavement.

I followed her into a cul-de-sac, but she disappeared -- probably into that expansive lawn that backed up to the golf course.  Looked like a nice spot.

I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the walk. Such a fun surprise. I kept hearing the hooves on the pavement and just wondering.  I love little gifts of nature in our busy world.  They just make you smile.

Internet Access

We moved to a new house. Major life disruption. We didn't have a washer/dryer for a week, but I did get to do a load a day at my sweet friend's house.  We didn't have phones for a week, but we did have our cell phones.  We didn't have internet for a week. No blog writing.  And then... here it is later than that...and I'm just now writing.

Because it's not only the access to these daily tools that's important. It's the routine. When we fall off the routine, oh... so hard to get back into it.

I got so far behind on laundry that it just seemed too overwhelming. I didn't have a strategy for catching up; I just started these measly loads of mishmash that weren't really achieving the needs--tball uniform ready for the game, socks ready for a new school day, towels, sheets... you get the picture. I would get a load out of the dryer to fold, and it was like one sock with a kitchen towel and pajama bottoms with no top, etc.  Even yesterday, my husband asked about a laundry item, and all I could say was, "We're really backed up on laundry" and go start a new load.

And with blogging, same deal. It sounded overwhelming. What do I have to say? I'm backed up on laundry? I have a box of toiletries in my bath cabinet that's too daunting to unpack?  The "office" boxes in the garage may never be opened?

I guess now that my excuse for no access is over, I better just try.  One step at a time.  Another day, another box. One word at a time. One post at a time. We'll take it from there.

Old Friends, New Friends

Over the weekend, our family and another family went to a nearby lake.  The other family lives overseas, but they had come to the States for a few weeks.  The last time we did this was four years ago, and between the two families, we had 3 babies.  Now, we have 6 children between us.  The kids don't remember last time we were all together, but they loved playing this weekend... swimming, swapping hair bows, boating, hunting for Easter eggs.

What is most amazing to me about this weekend is the history behind it. My friend M and I have known each other since we were in pre-school and lived on the same street.  The picture of our daughters shown here is eerily similar to how we looked in the 70s.  In fact, I sent the photo to my mom who forwarded it to M's dad, and he asked where she dug this photo of us up from the 70s!  He was kidding, but it is similar.

This precious little 3-year-old girl is my god-daughter, and I had not gotten to spend much time with her until now since she lives in another country.  She is hysterical and truly reminds me so much of her mom ... her expressions, the careful way she sings So Long, Farewell , her desire to borrow things she likes--whether an item from your dinner plate or an item from your closet, her calm manner and peaceful smile.

When my daughter and my god-daughter were playing on Saturday evening at an outdoor restaurant, I could see M and me in the backyard of our childhood. The boys of the group this weekend were wild, banging sticks like swords, talking in booming voices, sweaty hair sticking to their foreheads; and these little girls were holding hands and trying to protect themselves. My daughter even walked up to the boys and shouted, "Can you please be calm for a minute!"  Like them, back in the day, M and I used to be on home base, "making ammo" and talking in the backyard, while the boys raced around from yard to yard,  playing war.

Today, I am thinking of the sweetness in these new friendships. Who knows what the future brings, but I sure hope these new friends will know the sweetness and certainty of being old friends.

Another Book to Read

In November, I got to hear Susan Baker speak at a book signing for her book Passing It On: An Autobiography with Spirit.  What struck me most was her honesty.  Though she touched on the notable public life she has had, along with her husband former Secretary of State James A. Baker III, she spoke in the same breath of her personal life--made up of suffering, joy, blessings, and faith.  I was especially moved by her use of this time to glorify God.  In a room full of nicely dressed women at a country club, Susan Baker was more interested in being real and pointing towards her personal savior Jesus Christ than she was about impressing anyone with stories of Washington and rubbing shoulders with the elite.

Last week, I finally read her book. That same humility mixed with humor and faith shone through each chapter. Beginning with her life growing up on a ranch, moving through marriage, children, divorce, remarriage, blending and growing family, politics, tragic deaths, and even cancer, she writes of each event through a faith perspective.  The book is very much her spiritual journey, as anchored by different events, rather than a political story or family memoir.  The last couple of chapters even read more like a devotional or a book to be used in a women's Bible study.  I gleaned much practical wisdom from her chapter on prayer (chapter 14, "Why Pray?").

Prayer seems to undergird almost every aspect of her personal story--from the moment she truly came to know God in a personal way to the public arena of Washington to surviving her battle with cancer.  Prayer in Washington was compelling to read about, especially the non-partisan prayer group to pray for First Lady Hilary Clinton and another prayer group for Iraq. What an amazing behind-the-scenes look at life in our nation's capitol.

Originally meant to be a story of encouragement and lessons learned for her own family, Passing It On certainly offers encouragement and wisdom for me, too. I think it is critical for us to hear from older, wiser people at each step of our lives, and if we don't have a formal mentor at the moment, a good book can provide direction and food for thought.

Embrace the Wait

Over 12 years ago, I wrote a poem called "Waiting."  No matter how much time passes, we still go through seasons of waiting. Or even simply days of waiting. Waiting is hard. I like to know things for certain, have them wrapped up neatly with a bow. 

I guess waiting can take different forms:
...the giddy with anticipation times of waiting... like finding out if the baby in your tummy is a boy or a girl. 
...or the fear-inducing times of waiting, like wanting the results of an MRI.
...and then the waiting on circumstances outside of our control, maybe outside any human control.  Waiting on God.

Sometimes the waiting makes us weary, as in when a longing in our chest hasn't been fulfilled. 

Sometimes the waiting motivates us. ...What can I be doing in the meantime?

And sometimes like today, I have felt like a balloon drifting aimlessly in the sky, dodging tree branches and telephone wires, trying to stay afloat.

I had the thought today, though, that though I feel like someone let go of this balloon, I know I am tethered. I know God has me.  Even if I feel a bit tossed about in the breeze, I should enjoy the ride because I am in His hands.  Maybe He gave me a longer string today, but He's still holding it. 

My poem from 1998 is:

"Waiting"

The arc
of the sway
of the hammock
should bring a lullaby.

The arc
of the sway
of the hammock
makes the limbo sigh.

That's all it says. But today, while the sway is making me a little seasick, I want to rest in the hammock. I want to feel caught in the trees and know that I'm caught. I want to embrace the wait and see what it has for me.

Revelation Song

Today during naptime, I sat down to read a little in my Bible study and write in my journal. But I didn't feel like it. I just kept wanting to hear this awesome song we sang in church yesterday. But I didn't know who sang it.  And I could only think of part of the chorus--"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God almighty." I knew I couldn't get too far on Google because of the hymn "Holy, holy, holy."

That was my favorite part of church yesterday. That song. It was so awesome. I just felt like we were all the children singing to the Lord like it talks about in Revelation.

So today I decided to put on Pandora, and just type in Third Day because I love their newish song and really all their songs. And I could listen to lead singer Mac Powell's voice all day long.

I sat there and sang with my eyes closed to the first two songs--gorgeous Third Day songs--and was thankful that no matter all the busy-ness and hard, sad things I have heard in the last couple of days, no matter the blessings and joy and laughter, no matter the anxiety and fears and tears... He is faithful and so big and so there, available, here, present.

And then... the third song... the one I wanted all along! The one from church yesterday... I could belt it out again!  I could pull up the lyrics to have all the words! 

So here's the song:  "Revelation Song" by Phillips, Craig, and Dean.  I'm going to go listen again.